Placement

So it's the end of week three of placement. I'm feeling very run down, very tired and my throat hurts from all the constant talking and shouting.

Oh it's also Valentines day. Which sucks. As usual.

I just can't seem to find the energy or the willpower to do anything any more. I'm literally forcing food down, but everything I eat makes me feel sick. I force myself to get up for school because other whys I fail the course. But I can't even remember why that's a bad thing any more. I sit staring at things and don't even realise that hours have passed.

I don't ever remember being like this.

All I want to do is snuggle down with that one person and relax, watch a movie. Oh and eat a proper meal for the first time this week. However that's pretty impossible seeing as the person I want to see doesn't actually want to speak to me.

Apparently I have pissed him off.

In fact not a lot of people want to speak to me. Only Yenita perhaps.

I'm having a hard time controlling myself at the moment. It seems that I'm either stone cold emotionless or boiling over ready to explode and break down.

At least I can put on an act at school, I seem to be able to pull up this imaginary me, this character. She comes and takes over when I'm teaching. I just kind of curl up in a ball, retreating into my mind.

I just kind leave her to it really.